Debbie had made the decision to get rid of the dinning room table and furniture that we never use. I guess I agreed since there isn’t a formal room in this house. She decided that we could make a study room for the kids. This way we could keep our eyes on the little delinquents while they are doing there homework or researching questions to life that mom and dad refuse to answer. So out with the old and off to IKEA we go.
As with most shopping experiences, IKEA is painful. You follow the yellow brick road through the entire store which take twice as long as it took Dorothy to get to OZ. She finally decided to purchase two desks with a connecting corner unit as well as “ovah” head storage cabinets and some floor filing cabinets and of course a couple chairs. Debbie loves storage cabinets and storage bins and storage cubbies of all colors and sizes. She thinks as long as all her stuff in in a storage “something” that those around her won’t know she’s a hoardah. (Another blog for another day). We head over to the pick up area to pick up our ordah and they come out with three boxes. I was first thinking that we would have to have them deliver it but they assured me that everything was included in the 3 boxes. I should have known right then that this was a problem. I had already been there 3 hours so I loaded the three boxes and envisioned another trip on another day to pick up whatevah they forgot.
I get home and begin to open the boxes. No bubble wrap, no foam just packed with pahhhts…… All kinds of Pahhts. That’s when I crack beer #1. Thank you Sam Adams, a true visionary. I know to spread and separate all the pahts out which takes up the entire downstairs. I then reach for the directions. The title read Assembly Instructions howevah the font was so fricken small I screamed for my “Cheaters” (reading glasses)…and grabbed anotha Sammy. I have cheaters all ovah the house, The kitchen, Living Room,the garage, the bathroom. I don’t know what happened but once I turned 40, I instantly turned into Mr. McGoo.
As the project begins, I realize that there are pahts for pahts. There was not one thing that was pre-assembled. I can’t help but think that this is how the Japanese are getting back at us for dropping the bomb. Once they seal up the boxes and stamp ” Destination USA” they just laugh.
After 6.5 hours and too many Sammy’s to count, I finish assembling the new work space for the cherubs. The next day I checked myself into the Betty Ford clinic. When I explained to them that the reason for my alcohol intake was because I was putting together Ikea furniture for my wife…. they released me early and said the alcohol intake was justifiable. BTW, did I tell you that the whole set was “White” Ah yeah, she said it looked so nice. Of course it did. It was in a store with a paid staff who keeps it cleaned. We have a 9 and 11 year old and don’t forget the two cats and three dogs. White won’t be white for long.
I must admit for the first few months the working area seemed to be kept relatively neat…that was until I opened up one of the cubbies………
diary of a PB 