Now this is JUICY!

Now this is JUICY

When I think of juicing, I think of the Yankees, Roger Clemmons, Andy Pettit and of course AROID. So when Debbie came home from visiting her friend in Connecticut and said, “That’s it, we’re juicing” I thought I would have to bend ovah and get a shot in the ass.

Debbie gets a look in her eye when she gets excited about something. Usually it’s not a good thing because it’s probably something healthy or expensive…this time she was two for two!

The following Saturday she came home from shopping and needs my help. I thought she bought a small refrigerator but then I saw it was a “ juicer” and my first response was to ask how much she paid for this but then realized that the “don’t ask don’t tell’ policy would probably be bettah in the long run. So we place this contraption on the kitchen countah and she pulls out the instructions as I exit the lab.

A couple weeks go by and I am sitting in my (home) office and I see this good ol boy pull up in his red pick up truck and grabs a box from the truck bed and begins to walk towards my door. When I open the door, he hands me the box and says that the box is for Ms. McGillivray. I am amazed and curious that this package was delivered by someone other the Fed Ex and or UPS…which is concerning. I felt somewhat obligated to tip him so thinking what might be appropriate, I gave him the number to my dentist.

I open this box and it is full of vegetables….not just any vegetables, these were special “ORGANIC” vegetables. Immediately the questions begin to run through my mind like a Vietnam flashback. Why do I have a box of “Organic Vegetables on my kitchen table and how much did she spend having organic vegetables delivered?” Stop the madness!

As she opens the “Juicer” box, she looks like a girl opening her first Barbie doll box at Christmas. She puts the contraption together and let the juicing begin.

I watched Debbie as she takes these delivered “organic” vegetables and begins to stuff these veggies down the throat of this money sucking, vegetable shredding beast. After the entire box of veggies are processed, what is left is a glass of green smegma that taste like…green smegma.  Debbie says it will keep me healthy and will add 5 years to my life. To be honest with you, those last five years really suck anyways. I would rather eat, drink what I want. Have cash in my pocket and forgo the last 5 years. Someday when I do kick the bucket, I hope they spread my ashes over some “organic” field.