Money Ball

 Remember David Baxter (Actor Bill Bixby) in the TV program The Hulk; just going through life as a nice, caring, sensitive guy and then something or someone pisses him off and then the eyes staht to turn green and the clothes begin to rip as he morphs into the super muscular “Hulk?” Well, I am becoming David Baxter without the muscles unfortunately. Maybe it’s my age or maybe because I am getting closer to me Scottish roots or maybe I am just getting smahhhter. But when I feel like I am being screwed…watch the eyes turn green!

“Our kids won’t be sitting around playing video games….Nope they will be active and get fresh air and exercise.” Lay out the pants, the socks, practice shirt, game shirt, get the watah, the baseball bag, the bat, the cheahs, the tent, the cooler full of Gatorade, more watah, sandwiches, the dog, and off we go. Just another weekend of baseball or should I say ‘Travel Ball, Elite Ball, All-Star Ball, Select Ball, Club Ball’…whatevahh…Just call it Moneyball! Because if you don’t have a lot of it, you bettah just get out the video games.

There are costs for every sport. I thought baseball was bad until I spoke to someone whose daughter is in dance recitals! Ouch!  Whether your kids dance, skate, play hockey, football or baseball, be prepared to bend ovah..cause it’s gonna hurt.

Our moneyball sport is baseball. To play we must:

• Try out. First you try out for the team. By the way kids, that’s not free.
• Pay to be on the team. This includes a certain amount of tournaments each yeah.
• Buy the uniform, pay for cleats, multiple pairs of socks, multiple practice pants, practice shirts, practice hats, a glove or if your son pitches or plays first base at least two gloves (which of course my son does both), sliding underwear, compression shirts, chest protectors…..and it goes on.
• Pay for lessons – If you want to play with the Jones’, you have to keep up with the Jones’ : hitting lessons, pitching lessons, agility training……
• Buy the bat. Wooden is not good for the kids. Why Not? That’s what the pros use. Nope, we need to have Synthetic bats costing  anywhere from $300 – $500. We went middle of the road and Jake loved it for the 5 months he had it until it cracked! Ouch!!
• Then the Helmet
• The sunglasses
• The infamous athletic Cup.
• The bag of course to carry all this shit.
• Hotels when not using the RV
• Fuel when we are using the RV
• Food, drinks and a year supply of tucks, while sweating your ass off at the field.

We had a tournament in the wonderful state of VA. Just a hop skip and a jump for about 5 hours door to door. Due to logistical reasons, we had to get a hotel. Thank God they had plenty of 1.5 stah hotels close so that after a long day at the field we could rest our laurels. Our hotel was so nasty I would rather sleep on the ground in the dugout.

As we arrive at the pahhhk for the 1^st game I read the gate sign…

As my eyes turned green, I said to the gate person who was wearing his $60 USSSA shirt “Cut the Shit! You want to chahhhge the siblings to get in? Are you EFFFFFFIN kidding me?”  As my shirt begins to rip, Debbie and my son Creedon quickly move to a safe zone. It’s amazing to me that we pay to play in these tournaments! Then we bring our own cheahs and tents, we bring the actual product (The players) and you then chahhhhge us to watch them play.  The gate keeper (let’s just call him the screwer of the day), looks at me with a look of sheer befuddlement. He states, I usually don’t work at the gate, I usually work up at the table selling the equipment …Who gives a shit? You are here today and trying to screw me and it’ stahhting to hurt.

I will pay for the tryouts, I will pay for my son to be on the team, I will pay for all the uniform costs, the gloves, the $400 dollar bat, the travel, the hotels and all the other shit that goes along with 11u travel baseball but now you want me to pay an entrance fee for my youngest son who wants to do anything but be there to watch his brother in 95 degree weather. How about we rethink this….

If I am a betting man, the fields in which all these teams play on are not “private” fields. If I had to guess, some tax dollars went in to paying for these fields. HMMMM Correct me if I am wrong, we the public pay the taxes to build these fields. So if we paid to build these fields and we own the product (The kids) then where can I buy a set of balls you obviously bought that gives you the right to chahhhge me, the parent, and the player’s brother an entrance fee?

I will tell you what…since we are on a field, let’s make it an even playing field. Looks like you haven’t been on one of those in a while. You have costs, I have costs. Let’s compare and work something out. My son has months if not yeahs of sweat and hahhd work developing his talent. Then add in the equipment, the fuel, the taxes, the lessons never mind the fact that we bring our own cheahs and tents to protect us from the sun and 95 degree weather. …OK what you got besides that $60 dollar shirt and a bunch of paper wrist bands? hmmmmm   That’s what I thought Mr. Screwer.. Looks like after comparing everything, you owe my son a snow cone rather than chahge him admission!

Can’t wait for college to come!