Do You Hunt?

Moving from a place like Dorchester, MA which is right outside of Boston to a place like Indian Trail, NC which is right outside of Charlotte was a big change. “You in the South now Boy!” The community that we live in is an equestrian community where there is a community barn for those who have horses. Oh yes, my wife has her horse Finnegan there.  He has been the “other man” since I met Debbie and her world revolves around him…but that is another story I will share at a later date.

One night,( I think we had lived here a couple of weeks) there was a little Christmas pahhty at the barn and Debbie wanted me to go with her. Debbie is a bit introverted and me…not so much so off we went.  When we arrived all the lady’s were with their horses in the barn (another conversation for another day) and all the husbands were outside standing in a circle, shooting the breeze and having a couple beers. Not being shy, I went down and introduced myself. Everyone was pretty friendly however I realized that half of them had a pound of chew stuffed in their cheeks and they don’t move their lips when they speak so I couldn’t understand a word they were saying.  As I stared at their mouths trying to see if I could at least read their lips (which were not moving) in an effort to understand what they were saying, the only fact I did learn very quickly is that Chewing tobacco is a disgusting habit. We all struggled through the introduction and simple conversation but I was beginning to feel like they did not like this Yankee Boy. We were talking football (The Patriots had beat the Panthers the previous year in the Superbowl) when one really big “Good Ol Boy” with a ZZ Top kind of beard asked me the question..  “Do you hunt?”  I asked “do I what?”  And then concentrated as hard as I could on his lips.   He asked again “Do you UUUnnt?  I was embarrassed because I hadn’t a clue to what this guy was saying. Then another guy repeated the question “Do you Hunnnt?”     “Ohhh”and  I stated “no.   So I asked….”Do you all hunt?”   Well the ZZ TOP mumbler stated with a sense of pride  “OF Course!”…..(and for  moment I thought he was going to rip his shirt open and show me his confederate flag shirt underneath like superman changing to save the day).  The spit fest was on.  They had so much chew stuffed in their cheeks when they spit it reminded me of the BP oil spill in the gulf. I thought I would break the ice between  these rebels and this yank and asked “Can I ask you a question?” They nodded and spit at the same time which seemed to be impressive for this group. I continued and asked. “Do you all wear the camouflage stuff to blend in when you hunt?” The ZZ guy answered by nodding his head and spitting on the ground. I then asked “do you wear an orange fluorescent vest too?” He then nodded again but was kind of hesitant not knowing where I was going with this. My next question was “Does that make any sense? You’re either camouflaged or you’re not!”  I thought it was funny but they just looked at this pretty Yankee boy and quickly changed the subject and starting talking about mbssaaabnms?  Yeah I didn’t know what they were saying either!